go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
