Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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