HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
