Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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