she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
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I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
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You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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