What a fucking waste of an outfit
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I party with great urgency now.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
