I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize