He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
