you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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