When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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