or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
