I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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