That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
