You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
