Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
