TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize