so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
