so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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