tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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