if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
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