I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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