I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat