mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in