I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole