I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
How external is "for external use only"?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."