I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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