You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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