I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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