It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Be still, my beating vagina.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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