wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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