My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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