How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
