I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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