i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
