You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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