WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
