didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
