i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
