Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
