Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize