Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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