your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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