and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
