I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
honey bunches of taint.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
