She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
