Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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