i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
That accounts for only three of the penises
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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