Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
