Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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