In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We talked him into tasing himself.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
