We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
