Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
