Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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