the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
