Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
