I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
