Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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