At least make sure they are 18
Why
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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