you lied. pity sex is amazing.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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