Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
