Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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