no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
