I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
