Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
