Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
this just has baby written all over it
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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