I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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