and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
