I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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