3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Randomize
